Avoiding the Dark Triad: The Worst Humans on Earth

The dark triad sees a part of you that they want. It might be your status, your body, your money, or your time, or something different. But they are predators, and people are their prey.

The personal history of a dark triad personality is littered with broken people – people who are worse off for having known them. Despite this reality, they can make it look like they have loving, supportive relationships, but it’s an illusion.

Instead of getting help and changing, they don’t see any problem with their behaviour or track record. They are gifted liars and manipulators, confident in their ability to win.

And that’s the problem. If they think of themselves as winners, it means they also believe in losers, so move along because to them, relationships are competitions to see who can get more from the other one.

These so-called “winners” are the group of people who think that rules do not apply to them. They are collectively narcissists, Machiavellians, and psychopaths.

The narcissist believes, “It’s all about me.” The Machiavellian believes, “It’s all about me, and I am willing to hurt you.” The psychopath knows, “It’s all about me, and I am willing to hurt you, and I don’t feel bad when I do.”

It does get worse. The sadist knows, “It’s all about me, I am willing to hurt you, and I don’t feel bad when I do, in fact, I enjoy it.”

That last one sounds a lot like everyone in the HR department where I used to work. The corporate world practically rewards those who will do anything to get the project done on time, and if you won’t, there’s someone in the wings who will.

Impulsive and Irresponsible

The problem with avoiding the dark triad is that they are also charming, also great at what they do, if not as excellent as they claim, and that they are everywhere. With seven percent of the population, or one in 14 people, you’ve met them.

They are good-looking and vain, and when the attention isn’t on them, where they think it should be, they design ways to get it back. When things get a little difficult, they explode because they expect things to be easy for them. They teach people to predict and avoid their outbursts, but you can’t because there is no pattern.

Avoiding the dark triad entirely is the strategy. If they manipulate, lie, break rules, don’t trust others, or exaggerate their worth, move right along. They may not be one of these dangerous types, but it’s best to be safe rather than caught up in their web.

The problem with you is that you think you know who they are, but you fail to identify those in your family, your friend groups, and your close connections, and it’s these ones who will drive you into confusion and frustration, while taking all your time, money and whatever resource they are interested in, and when you are used up, they walk away like nothing happened and like you are nothing.

Their “on-to-the-next-one” attitude will baffle you and hurt you deeply, yet they know that their world is fragile. Their world relies on lies and manipulation, and when those don’t work, they have no alternative plan.

Relationships are a continual erosion of an initial impression that wasn’t real and isn’t coming back. They never saw you; they never cared. You were simply an opportunity they couldn’t say no to, even when that opportunity is destroying someone.

A Locked-in Mindset

Better you than me, they’d say. They don’t see that there is any other way to be in the world.

In the corporate world, I found it shocking and appalling what professional adults will do, with the backing of the HR department. I’d always thought of HR, human resources, as being the department that would have my interests in mind, but I was wrong.

In manufacturing, you have machines. Machine resources. In manufacturing, you run that machine to the hilt and minimize the maintenance downtime it requires. You also calculate how much it would cost to simply dispose of it and buy a new one.

In service, there are no machines. You have people; humans. Human resources. But the idea is the same. I once overheard a girl tell her friend, “I think I will go into HR because I like people.” I didn’t intervene, because maybe she can change everything.

Because if you like people and then have to do nasty things to them, it will cause you stress. I don’t know how your body responds to chronic stress, but it’s never good.

With all their scheming, manipulation, and keeping track of their lies, they don’t have time to notice that other people might live life differently. With surety that they are wonderful and perfect, they aren’t inquisitive about self-improvement or change. They stick with the tried and true, and God forbid the horror of looking like a beginner by trying anything new.

God help anyone who criticizes them. The formula is DARVO. Deny, then attack, then they blame the critic, as they reverse the roles of victim and offender.

Sooner or later, it’s always all your fault. You made them do it. Whatever the twist is, they are claiming the powerlessness of a baby.

Babies First

With the powerlessness of a baby, they always put their wants and needs above everyone else’s. At first, it doesn’t seem to matter, and you go along with the flow, because you are an adult, and realize that this doesn’t matter.

Maybe it’s as simple as cooking for their tastes, instead of your own, like the Runaway Bride.

Julia Roberts, who plays the character, does the same thing. “So lost you don’t even know what kind of eggs you like,” argues Richard Gere. “Yes,” he says, “With the priest, you wanted scrambled. With the dead head, it was fried. With the bug guy, it was poached. Now it’s like egg whites only.”

In my case, I never even cooked breakfast until he was teaching me how to turn an egg. I lifted it high like a pancake and slammed it back into the pan, to the shock and horror of my teacher. Once I was trained, he never stepped in the kitchen again.

I reflected as the days passed. How do I like my eggs?

After a couple of weeks, I decided to make a cake to celebrate my joy and fresh start, and realized I needed eggs. I went to town to get some, but the shipment hadn’t arrived. In response, I decided I didn’t really need carbs or calories.

Let them eat cake; let them scream and cry if they don’t get their way. I used to scream and cry, I have to admit. Never to get my way, but to protest unfairness, to express pain. To a baby, not getting their way is the unfairness and pain of it all.

The dark triad simply aren’t adults and likely never will be, no matter their age or status.